The WORD – 12/8/11. The cases of Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine – two assistant coaches at two prominent universities accused of molesting young men – have brought the issue of sexual abuse front and center in recent weeks. While it is sad that it takes high-profile, sensational allegations such as these to get society’s attention, we should not pass up this opportunity to discuss this very real threat to our children.
The Jewish community has never experienced a wide-spread, institutional abuse scandal like some other groups have. However, that does not mean that the Jewish community is immune to such abuse. After all, sexual abuse has been around for as long as there have been human beings.
In this week’s Torah portion, we read the story of the assault on Dinah – the daughter of Jacob – by a man named Shechem. It is no surprise that the Torah does not share with us Dinah’s response to this event in her life. First of all, the voices of women were not well-preserved in the Torah. More than that, though, even today, the victims of abuse are made to feel ashamed or dirty – even though the fault lies entirely with the perpetrator. One can only imagine how much greater the sense of shame must have been in the ancient world.
Instead, the Biblical narrative focuses on the response of Dinah’s brothers. Simon and Levi concocted a plan in which they convinced the assailant and his clan to become circumcised in order to be able to marry Dinah and other women from Jacob’s family. While they were recovering from the painful procedure, Jacob’s sons attacked and killed all the males of the clan. Simon and Levi were satisfied at that point and took Dinah home. The other brothers seized all the wealth and property of the clan.
Sitting here in the State of New Jersey all these centuries later, it’s hard to say whether the punishment fit the crime. However, when Jacob heard what his sons had done, he was not so pleased. He said to Simon and Levi: “You have brought trouble on me, making me odious among the inhabitants of the land.” Simon and Levi did not back down, however, the story ends with them saying to their father: “Should our sister be treated like a sexual object?”
The answer to their question, of course, is that NO ONE should be treated in such a fashion. The New York Office of Children and Family Services (NYOCFS) recommends that we begin talking about this with our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews so that they can protect themselves. Here are some of the ways that we can broach the subject with them:
- You are special and important.
- Your body is your own.
- You have the right to say “NO” if someone wants to touch you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable, afraid or confused.
- There are parts of your body that are private. You have the right to say “NO” to anyone who wants to touch your vagina, penis, breasts or buttocks. You have my permission to say “NO” even if that person is an adult … even if it’s a grown-up you know.
- Pay attention to your feelings. Trust your feelings about the way people touch you.
- If someone bothers you, I want you to tell me. I promise that I will believe you.
- If someone touches you in a way that does not seem right, it is not your fault.
The Sandusky and Fine cases have taught us – or reminded us – that these sexual predators typically begin by “grooming” their potential victims. They try to see how far they can go, what they can get away with. If our children know that it’s not right and they know that it’s not their fault, then perhaps they can help us stop this abhorrent behavior before anyone else gets hurt.
Shalom,
RAF.
