O Captain, My Captain

The WORD – 1/19/12.  Last week at this time, how many Italian cruise ship captains could you have named?  I know that I didn’t know any last week.  This week, however, we are all too familiar with Capt. Francesco Schettino – the man responsible for the horrible Costa Concordia shipwreck off the coast of Italy.

Although the investigation is far from complete, the details that have emerged so far paint a picture of an overconfident captain who thought that he could maneuver his 1,000-foot cruise ship in waters more appropriate for a 55-foot yacht.  The result is that perhaps as many as 30 people are dead.

This hubris – which allowed Capt. Schettino to navigate his ship close to his head waiter’s hometown in order to show off the ship to those on land while also entertaining some mystery lady on the bridge – runs in stark contrast with the humility of Moses as exhibited in this week’s Torah portion.

In one of the most famous interchanges between them, God tells Moses to appear before Pharaoh and demand that the Israelite be allowed to leave Egypt.  Moses responded: “The Israelites would not listen to me; how then should Pharaoh heed me, a man of impeded speech!”

We know that Moses turned to his brother Aaron for support.  We know that God intervened as well.  However, we also know that Moses is held up as the paragon of leadership in the Jewish tradition.  He successfully led the Israelites out of Egypt and slavery to the cusp of the Promised Land and freedom.  Perhaps, the secrets of his success were his willingness to question himself, to accept advice and help from others, and to put the needs of the people ahead of his own.

After all, Moses did not simply express his self-doubts to God. His humility came across in other ways as well.  Moses implemented a judicial system in the wilderness based upon the urgings of his father-in-law Jethro.  Further, even though he was the unquestioned leader of the Israelites, he never tried to force his own two sons on the people as leaders after him.  He did not seek glory for himself or his family.

Imagine if Capt. Schettino thought twice before sailing so close to the island of Giglio.  Imagine if he had looked more closely at his charts rather than relying upon his intuition (as he said in an interview).  Imagine if he had put the safety of his 4,000 passengers ahead of his ego.

If he had done those things, then perhaps none of us would have ever heard of Capt. Francesco Schettino.

Shalom,

RAF.

 

If Not Now, When? The Fierce Urgency of Now

The WORD – 1/12/12.  On August 28 1963, in his most famous speech “I Have a Dream”, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. reminded America of “the fierce urgency of now.”

I think that his words that day resonated in the Jewish community not just because they were the truth, but also because they reminded us of the words of Hillel, another visionary leader who lived some 2,000 years before him.  The Talmud preserves the following words of Hillel: “If I am not for myself who will be for me? If I’m for myself alone, what am I? If not now, when? (Pirkei Avot 1:15).”

When we stand up for our own rights, we inevitably make this world a better place for others as well.  When we stand up for other people’s rights, we inevitably make this world a better place for ourselves as well.  And sooner is always better.

The truth is that we are probably busier today than any previous generation.  Two-income families, single-parent families, constant communication and other factors contribute to us being on the go all day, every day.  It’s easy to say that we’ll put some things off until we have more time – that class we want to take, that place we want to see, that project we want to take on, etc.  But, really, when will have more time?

Both Hillel and Dr. King remind us that we must make time in our personal lives for the things that our important to us and we must stand up for the causes that are important to us today.  If their words were not sufficient to inspire us, then surely Dr. King’s shortened life reminds us that we never know how many tomorrows we will get.

So, as we observe Dr. King’s birthday this coming Monday, please take advantage of the many programs available in the Summit area.  Then, take a moment to consider what we can do right now to make our lives a little better and our community a little better.  If not now, when?

Shalom,

RAF.

 

Click Here for the “Shaping Summit Together” Website with the full schedule of MLK Day activities.

 

“I Will Sustain You and Your Children” ~Gen. 50:21

The WORD – 1/5/12.  In the week or so since Rich Van Cleft collapsed while working on the roof of the SJCC and passed away (we now know it was a brain aneurism), many people have approached me to ask if there is anything we can do.  After attending his wake this past Sunday and meeting members of his family, I believe that there is an appropriate response for us as a congregation.

Rich left behind a wife and three teenage sons, but apparently he did not have life insurance.  His oldest son (also named Rich) is planning to go to college next fall.  Hopefully, his brothers will follow after him.  That’s a lot of tuition for a single mom.

I would like to suggest that we make a contribution toward their education.  Whether you met Rich directly or not, it’s hard not to be affected by this story.  The fact that it took place on our roof while he was helping us realize our dream of expansion makes it even more touching.

If you would like to help out this family, please send a check made out to the SJCC (put “Richard Van Cleft” in the memo) to me at the synagogue.  We will collect all the funds and issue a single check to the Richard Van Cleft Memorial Fund on behalf of the community.

In this week’s Torah portion, we read of the passing of our patriarch Jacob.  It was clearly a tremendous loss to his children and grandchildren.  Joseph tried to comfort his brothers with the following words: “And so, fear not.  I will sustain you and your children (Gen. 50:21).”

Through this act of tzedakah, we can do the same for Richard Van Cleft, of blessed memory.

Shalom,

RAF.

“His heart went numb…”

The WORD – 12/29/11.  Joseph had been gone for over twenty years and now Benjamin had been imprisoned by the second most powerful man in the world.  It was too much for their father Jacob to bear.  He was beside himself.

But then, his sons appeared with Benjamin in tow and they told him, “Joseph is still alive; yes, he is ruler over the whole landof Egypt.”  Jacob instantly went from being the grieving father of two presumably dead sons to having them both back.  The Torah (Gen. 45:26) tells us “Vayapog libo – his heart went numb.”  Rashi – the great medieval commentator on the Bible and Talmud – translated this phrase as “his heart failed.”  Today, we’d probably say that his heart skipped a beat.  He was in shock, he was taken aback.

It’s hard to imagine going from the depths of a double loss to the heights of regaining two beloved sons.  And yet, that’s exactly what Jacob experienced.

Unfortunately, for most of us, that is not the way the world works.  When someone passes away, they are gone.  If our hearts skip a beat, perhaps it is from the shock of hearing about that loss.

That is precisely the way I feel today.  Just yesterday morning, I was joking with Rich van Cleft – the project manager who was overseeing our expansion project here at the SJCC – about his being TOO nice to our congregants.  I told him that if people were disrupting his work, he should send them to my office to talk.  I then left the building to run some errands and get some lunch.

While I was away, he collapsed while working on the roof of our building.  He never regained consciousness.  He was 47 years old – a son, a husband, a father and a brother.  In less than an hour, he was gone.

We all pray that our loved ones who have left this world will experience some sort of second existence.  As Psalm 103 implies, our time here on Earth is just a blink of the eye in the scheme of the Universe.  Yet, we have no proof of what lays beyond.  No one has returned to tell us what is out there.

Imagine our response if someone did return to share his/her experiences with us.  In all probability our hearts would go numb, our hearts would stop. We cannot control what happens to the souls of our loved ones in the World to Come.  However, we can keep their memories alive in THIS world in a number of ways.

First of all, we can incorporate some of the positive characteristics of our departed loved ones into our own lives.  Perhaps he was philanthropic.  Perhaps she went to synagogue regularly.  Let’s keep those traditions alive.

Secondly, we can do mitzvot in their honor.  We can dedicate our learning in her honor, make a contribution in his honor or do volunteer work in their honor.

Thirdly, we can come to services at the appropriate time and say kaddish in their honor.  We have been having difficulty bringing together a minyan (ten adults) which is required to say kaddish.  Perhaps there is someone for whom you would like to recite kaddish or perhaps you just want to do the mitzvah of allowing others to recite kaddish for their loved ones.  Either way, we would love to see you one morning or evening.

Hopefully, in the coming days and weeks, we will have some information about the ways in which we can honor Rich Van Cleft appropriately.  Although he had only worked here for a few months, he made an impression on those who got to know him.

We cannot expect people to walk back into our lives as Joseph did to Jacob.  However, we CAN keep them a part of our world if we make the effort.

 

Shalom,

RAF.

Fitting In While Standing Out

This time of year, we may find ourselves asking whether we should be trying to fit into popular culture or should we be focusing on our distinctiveness?  If we are, in fact, asking such a question, it is the same question that our ancestors were asking about 2200 years ago in the Land of Israel.

They were not thinking about Christmas back then (it was 200 years BEFORE Christmas came about).  They were concerned with Greek culture.  There were those who adored all things Greek and there were those who rejected Hellenism outright.  This schism between Hellenizers and traditionalists gave Antiochus the opportunity and the justification for invading Israel and desecrating the Temple.

Three years later, the Maccabees led a revolt and re-conquered the Temple leading to the festival which we are currently celebrating – Hanukkah.

As kings of Israel after the dedication of the Temple in 165 BCE, the Maccabees ultimately realized that they could not – and should not – reject all things Greek.  On the other hand, they could not – and should not – accept all of Greek culture whole-hog (please forgive the choice of idioms).

They discovered that there were some admirable things about Greek culture that fit nicely into Israelite culture.  There were also some things that could never be incorporated into Israelite culture.  Either way, they could not simply ignore Greek civilization.  They had to find a way to interact with Hellenism in a healthy way.

The same can be said about Judaism and Christianity today.  The two religious traditions – which have common roots – continue to influence one another.  We can be distinctly Jewish while still being a part of the community at large.

A great example of this is the candle-lighting ceremony tonight at Faith Lutheran Church.  From their perspective, they are simply being good Christians by inviting us to light a Menorah on the front lawn of their church.  They are not seeking to become more Jewish.  Similarly, we are participating in order to make a statement about the presence of distinctly Jewish citizens in New Providence(and surrounding towns).  We are not seeking to worship as Christians.  With slightly different goals in mind, we will come together tonight (at 7:30pm).

We follow in the footsteps of the Maccabees as interact with Christian neighbors and learn from them while maintaining our unique Jewish identity.

Happy Hanukkah!

 

Shalom,

RAF.

Don’t Worry – Those Presents Aren’t Going Anywhere!

The WORD 12/15/11.  We look forward to it all year. It is among the most widely practiced traditions in all of Judaism.  We have eight chances to get it right. We are so familiar with it that we could probably do it in our sleep.  Yet, we’re usually in such a rush to get to the presents that we rarely take a moment to consider its symbolism.

The ‘it’, of course, is the lighting of the Hanukkiyah – the special nine-branched menorah that we use to celebrate Hanukkah.  So, let’s take a moment to think about some of the little things that are easy to overlook regarding the Hanukkiyah.

(1) It is important to place the Hanukkiyah in a prominent location that can be seen from the street.  We have an obligation to publicize the miracle.  At first, we might think that this simply means that we are reminding anyone who goes by our homes that the miracle of the oil took place some 2200 years ago.

However, there’s a second layer.  We should be proud of our tradition.  We should not feel compelled to hide our different views and practices.  Thoughtful people of other faiths will have even more respect for us when we are proud of our own faith and take it seriously.

(2) Each of the eight candles which represent the eight days must be at the same level.  The shamash (the candle we use to light the others) can be higher, lower or off to the side.  The other eight must be even to remind us that no one day is any more important than the others.  This symbolism should also remind us that no person, community or movement is any more important than another.

(3) Each candle must have a distinct flame; the flames may not touch one another.  On the fourth night, for example, there must be four flames. Yet, together, they provide more light than any single candle could on its own. Similarly, let us remember that individual people can – and must be – distinct. Our differences bring a richness to our community.  The collective is stronger as a result of the variety among individuals.

(4) When the lighting of the Hanukkah candles coincides with the lighting of Shabbat candles (as it does on the fourth night this year), we light our Hanukkah candles first and then our Shabbat candles. Once we light our Shabbat candles, further manipulation of fire is prohibited.  Therefore, we fulfill our Hanukkah obligation first, and then begin the Shabbat.  In this way, we remind ourselves of the primacy of Shabbat on Judaism’s communal calendar.

And so, as we light the our Hanukkah candles next Tuesday evening, let’s not concentrate exclusively on the gifts that we will give and receive.  Let’s take a moment to consider the flames themselves as they are intended to remind us of the type of community we want to create between this Hanukkah and the next.

 

Shalom,

RAF.

Jerry Sandusky, Bernie Fine & Dinah – Some Thoughts on Sexual Abuse

The WORD – 12/8/11.  The cases of Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine – two assistant coaches at two prominent universities accused of molesting young men – have brought the issue of sexual abuse front and center in recent weeks.   While it is sad that it takes high-profile, sensational allegations such as these to get society’s attention, we should not pass up this opportunity to discuss this very real threat to our children.

The Jewish community has never experienced a wide-spread, institutional abuse scandal like some other groups have.  However, that does not mean that the Jewish community is immune to such abuse.  After all, sexual abuse has been around for as long as there have been human beings.

In this week’s Torah portion, we read the story of the assault on Dinah – the daughter of Jacob – by a man named Shechem.  It is no surprise that the Torah does not share with us Dinah’s response to this event in her life.  First of all, the voices of women were not well-preserved in the Torah.  More than that, though, even today, the victims of abuse are made to feel ashamed or dirty – even though the fault lies entirely with the perpetrator.  One can only imagine how much greater the sense of shame must have been in the ancient world.

Instead, the Biblical narrative focuses on the response of Dinah’s brothers.  Simon and Levi concocted a plan in which they convinced the assailant and his clan to become circumcised in order to be able to marry Dinah and other women from Jacob’s family.  While they were recovering from the painful procedure, Jacob’s sons attacked and killed all the males of the clan.  Simon and Levi were satisfied at that point and took Dinah home.  The other brothers seized all the wealth and property of the clan.

Sitting here in the State of New Jersey all these centuries later, it’s hard to say whether the punishment fit the crime.  However, when Jacob heard what his sons had done, he was not so pleased.  He said to Simon and Levi: “You have brought trouble on me, making me odious among the inhabitants of the land.”  Simon and Levi did not back down, however, the story ends with them saying to their father:  “Should our sister be treated like a sexual object?”

The answer to their question, of course, is that NO ONE should be treated in such a fashion.  The New York Office of Children and Family Services (NYOCFS) recommends that we begin talking about this with our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews so that they can protect themselves.  Here are some of the ways that we can broach the subject with them:

• You are special and important.
• Your body is your own.
• You have the right to say “NO” if someone wants to touch you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable, afraid or confused.
• There are parts of your body that are private. You have the right to say “NO” to anyone who wants to touch your vagina, penis, breasts or buttocks. You have my permission to say “NO” even if that person is an adult … even if it’s a grown-up you know.
• Pay attention to your feelings. Trust your feelings about the way people touch you.
• If someone bothers you, I want you to tell me. I promise that I will believe you.
• If someone touches you in a way that does not seem right, it is not your fault.

The Sandusky and Fine cases have taught us – or reminded us – that these sexual predators typically begin by “grooming” their potential victims.  They try to see how far they can go, what they can get away with.  If our children know that it’s not right and they know that it’s not their fault, then perhaps they can help us stop this abhorrent behavior before anyone else gets hurt.

 

Shalom,

RAF.

The Penn State Scandal: A Taste of S’dom

The term ‘sodomy’ gets thrown around a lot in our society.  Whenever we want to delegitimize a group of people, we call their actions or their way of life ‘sodomy.’  But as we read in this week’s Torah portion, something truly evil was going on in S’dom which made God take notice.

As Bible itself tells us, “Then the Lord said, ‘The outrage of S’dom and Amorrah is so great, and their sin so grave!  I will go down to see whether they have acted altogether according to the outcry that has reached Me… (Gen. 18:20-21).”

What could they have done that was so horrendous that it grabbed God’s attention in this way?

No surprise – the ancient rabbis answered this question with a Midrash.  According to this rabbinic interpretation, the people of S’dom and Amorrah would besiege any travelers who passed through their territory.  They would strip them and rob them of all their possessions and then chase them outside their borders.

One time a young woman took pity on such a victim and gave him clothing and supplies.  When the residents of S’dom and Amorrah found out, they punished her by treating her like one of the travelers.

I would hope that the mistreatment of their fellow human beings would be enough to get God’s attention.  It seems to me, though, the “outcry” that reached God was their punishment of someone trying to do the right thing and their inability to hear someone standing up for the victims of cruelty.

To me, that is also the great “outcry” coming out of Happy Valley, Pennsylvania today.

The alleged actions of Jerry Sandusky – the assistant football coach at Penn State University who used his charitable foundation for needy kids as a means to lure vulnerable boys into sexual abuse – are beyond despicable.  If/when found guilty, I hope he is punished as severely as the law allows.  However, I am just as outraged by the people in power who chose to ignore those few who tried to speak out on behalf of the victims.  I am just as outraged by the investigators who allowed the “glory” of Penn State football to blind them as they examined the actions of Jerry Sandusky.

But I save my strongest sense of outrage for Joe Paterno – the head coach, whose motto for the football team was: “Success with Honor.”  A few years ago, the president of the university tried to get Paterno to retire after a couple of losing season.  Paterno would have nothing to do with it.  He used all of his political might to stand up to the president and he won that battle.  He stayed on as coach.  When he heard that a ten-year-old boy was raped in his locker room, though, all he did was notify the athletic director who was nothing more than his lackey.  Joe Paterno was the most powerful and influential man on the Penn State campus and he did nothing.  When the strong do nothing as the weak and vulnerable are victimized, there is an outcry that reaches God.

As far as I am concerned, now that he has been fired, Joe Paterno may as well move to S’dom.

Shalom,

RAF.

Egalitarianism & Buckingham Palace

Transforming Judaism into an egalitarian community has been a decades-long process.  It is certainly not complete.  However, it was interesting to read about another community’s attempt to wrestle with western society’s changing attitudes about gender and religion.  Click here to read AP story about it.

Judaism & Halloween

The WORD 10/26/11.  Every year, I get asked about the Jewish approach to Halloween.  A couple of years ago, Halloween fell on a Friday night, which really made it a challenge for Jewish families.  Although it falls on a Monday this year, there are still questions to be answered.

This week’s Torah portion is named after the gentleman who built an ark and brought the world’s animals on board with him during the Flood.  As we are introduced to Noah, the Torah tells that he was “Tzadik tamim…b’dorotav – righteous and blameless in his generation.”

For centuries, readers of the Bible have wondered why that extra word “b’dorotav – in his generation” was added.  Couldn’t Noah simply be righteous and blameless?  Why the qualifier?

Ultimately, the rabbis decided that this was meant as a compliment, because it takes incredible strength to follow your faith when it seems as though everyone else is going in a different direction.

Noah may have been the first to discover this reality, but he was certainly not the last.  Halloween is just one more example of the balancing act Jews play in today’s world.

While much is made of Halloween’s pagan origins, the truth is that the Halloween celebrated today by Americans bears little or no resemblance to the harvest festival celebrated by the ancient Celts and Gaels.  It has become a secular holiday with two major customs associated with it: dressing up in costume and trick-or-treating.  It seems to me that we can infuse these customs with Jewish values.

For example, when choosing costumes with our children, hopefully we can take the opportunity to talk about modesty.  In particular, some of the costumes available for girls are incredibly inappropriate.  Further, when choosing what to give out for Halloween and in assessing the night’s “haul” it is an opportunity to discuss Kashrut – what may we eat and what is not permissible.

However, there is an additional layer.  We can “Juda-ize” this holiday and make it better.  Instead of focusing on getting as much candy as possible, give kids a chance to give out the candy and feel the pleasure of sharing with others.  Or, when our kids come home with enough candy to last until 2013, send some to the troops or donate some to a food pantry for kids who don’t live in safe neighborhoods.

In today’s world, it is not reasonable or necessary to ignore Halloween because of our Judaism.  However, I would like to suggest that we should not ignore our Judaism in order to celebrate Halloween.

Shalom,

RAF.